Tuesday, March 13, 2007
I don't know if its about me. I think it is, but I don't have the courage to ask. For a friend who holds the special place in my heart, it hurts. I am not going to explain, I don't know how to do it. I know I am a wrecked up useless freak, I have always known it until I met you. You made me feel different, not because I am better off than you, because you truly care(d). Its hard for me to be opened up to someone, you are the person I am closest to so far. And don't even start talking abut the degree of closeness, it hurts. I haven't realised I missed you out till you mentioned it, overly absorbed in self-pity? or pride? whatever? I don't know. I just know that I haven't been there for you, not enough anyway, is it because of physical distance? I am afraid so. I don't know. I don't know how to love, I don't know how to be loved. I don't know how to express, and I don't know how to receive. All I want to say is I am really sorry that I hurt you along the way, I am truly truly sorry. Perhaps its better off now, the friendship and closeness, then you won't be hurt by me no more.
Your message just now, it seemed so cold and distant. Am I thinking too much?? Or is it just it? It would seem so foolish of me if its that I am thinking too much. But what else could it be? I feel so weighed down now I really feel that it sucks to be me. So screwed up. No one could be any worse I guess. No one.
Y12:23 pm
