Bel this is for you

Although I talked so much about regret in my last post. One thing I never regretted is knowing you, CHAT andrew, especially you.

You just have no idea how much I am learning from you. Ya you are younger, but there is a very important thing that I am learning from you: to be less uptight and more relaxed. you should get what I mean. Ya I find it really hard. You know, to not care about what people think and just laugh all you want, be yourself and everything. Its really really hard, especially for certain things in life. I adore this trait of you, and I am learning to, trying to loosen up.

I am very self-conscious. not very open although I dont seem so, again you should know. Thank you for walking into my life to make that difference. Making me a better, if not at least happier person than I used to be. No matter where I go next year ( i 've some plans in mind, different from before) Please remind me to keep close okay? yes I get carried away.

I m really tired now. This is all I have to say to you, as for now. I cant wait to see you and to talk to you. Love you soo much!!! 0.0

PROM... Great great memories

I dreaded going at first. Was sick and everything, but I went in the end, partly coz couldn't get refund, partly coz I didn't want to miss the fun.

Didn't get any prom dresses whatever. I went to JB to do my hair, and met sister to get cosmetics. Bought a pair of earings and a ring to match with my asean dance dress (they scream FUNKY but people say I looked sweet :) )

Yeah I love my hair, absolutely love it. I haven't bathed till now, dont feel like spoiling the nice look of it. Heh. It's big, and funky. And I looked around in the ballroom, many people with hair glammed up, and I really really like my own. (stupid me forgot about bringing camera!!! aarrrrhhhhhh can't take any pictures of myself!!!) yupz, I rushed back from jb. Oh ya by the way, City square has got a new restaurant ------------------------- Kim Gary!!!! I love their toasts!!! I heard they have a new branch at Vivo City too! Will go one day. Anyway as I was saying, the bus ride back from JB was l~0~n~g, and I couldn't rest my head against the back rest because of my hair, so I sat up straight and started to think about stuff. Yups can't remember what stuff. Then it started raining, I was thining shit how?? My hair!!!! oh shit! But when I got off, the rain had already became light drizzling, so I ran back to oldham.

Then did my make up whatever, so proud my myself, I love my look then( not now though). Cabbed with E.T. to Regent Hotel. When I reached I felt really out, like I didn't really belong to any cliques and I was kinda lost. Went around saying hi to people before I finally stuck to the SCRCY peeps!!! They rock the world. Yeah at the end of the day, being in the same CCA makes the difference in the world! We've been thru just SOOOOO much together :) Then rommie came, seriously it was like a mixed feeling when I saw her, we're so close yet so distant. Didnt stick to her coz she was with JY and all, until we went into the ballroom. I was a bit reserved at first, didn't know how well they would accept me. I didn't know them THAT well, well now better.

I was so touched by ms heng's speech. The permanent figure of SCGS. Reflected and really regret not treasuring my time back in school. At least could have spend that 40% of sleeping time better. Regret that I didn't study hard enough throughout, especially the last push for Prelims and Os. Regret that I could care enough about my friends in school. Regret about everything that I could've done better.

The Band was bad. I don't know their name but they are just bad, didn't understamf what they were singing most of the time. The food was ok, but for my standard nah... haha. And the waitress that waited at our table, ya I was not satisfied with her service but she is like what, 40-something, 59-something? I felt bad having her to serve us, seriously. It should be the other way round yeah, us serving her instead. Haih.

We went to take pictures with Mrs Lee and Mrs Lim. Oh, Mrs Lee wore the brooch we gave to her!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its SO LOVELY! She's so sweet! I really really love her so much. In this short four years(long actually) she has seen me grow, taught me so much that I could not be more thankful for. I remember back in the old days(not that old) when I was still in CJ, especially lower sec, I dreaded seeing her. Our first truancy, got into trouble with her and MOE, we hated everything so much. Once a year during PTD, she painstakingly take the trouble to see each and every one of the scholars. To talk about our results so as to make sure that we're on track. While every two teacher see 38 parents, she sees 50 over of us lil kids, each of us from different cultures and background, with our own characters and personalities, and our lil different problems, all within her not-so-big office. I hated it in sec two(didn't have it in sec one), well I thought it was just one of those long naggy lecture that talks about how I should keep up good consistent work and not slack and be too playful only play when its time to play. I was just against the whole bloody system in singapore, Hostel school MOE everything. Well now as I think about it, actually its only hostel that made us think that way. We just thought that Mrs Lee and Mrs Lim are just not much different from April Kwong, hence we refused to listen. Talk about being rebellious, we really were. So those were the days that I hated and dreaded SCGS, didn't see the point of me being there. Was told to work hard for my future, yeah future, did work a bit but what? future? huh? until last year when we came to upper sec, started to see the differences, started to listen, started to realise. everything. I am a slow bloomer. Always thought I knew better, hell no I didn't! Mrs Lee just bear with us, our foolishness, childishness and all our crap. There was a lot. Last year was still full of crap, we played hard, and studied not-so-hard. Hung out with the JC peep, not favoured by AK. Got into troubles and everything. Got into relationship, more problems blah blah. But I really didn't give a damn about what they thought. Yeah I did but what could I do? I just needed someone to believe in me. Made the choice between that and CCA, yeah. Regretted. I fooled around like shit, but those were moments I never regretted, and those are people I truly miss. Finally sec 3 over. Year-end result not pretty, thought still got one more year to buck up. Finally sec 4 year, moved to Oldham hall. Became all excited about the new place and people, finally out of misery. Its amazing how the environment can either make you or break you. First 3 months was for exploration. Then joined the council. Wah first time in years I could prove myself to people, and people were willing to see. Got all involved in SC, pouring in my heart and soul, just to prove (to I have no idea who) that I'm someone who's capable, who can shine, who can make you proud. Studies not abaondoned, but no full-force, so much for pia-ing in the final year. CCA was like shit, everyone else cared except for ourselves. I didn't even get WO, so much for my hardwork. Well but i admit that wasn't my best that I was giving. This year passed very quickly. Before I knew it, it was already june hols, planned to study but failed as usual, didn't see the urgency and importance yet. Then preparation for prelims and everything. While everyone else began to study hard/revise whatever, I was still slacking around thinking that I had all the time in the world. September hols, did some serious studying, but definitely not enough. Roommie studied so har, i felt like shit. Met those Barker people. Prelims started, unprepared. Watched two movies(in the cinema) during prelims. Heck la, wasnt prepared for what was to come. Prelims results came out, wasn't as bad as expected. How? Got all happy and complacent again. Thanksgiving dance thanksgiving dance. full-force in SC to have these things well done. only studied the day before each prac. Then got to know andrew and jeff. Hang out with A like what five days a week during Os. How to concentrate? thinking that it was no big deal. After the last week of papers. started regretting. hell my papers were like shit. I dont know whether I can pass my amath n physics. I didn't even put in the effort!!! so much for being a lil intelligent. Looking back from where I am now. I really regret not caring enough for everything. Like yeah finally understand the true essence of every word that Mrs Lee said. Its like a bit too late to make up for it, but I will, in jc. No matter which JC I end up in, I will. Yes she made abig impact in my life, made me realised how foolish and unthinking I have been. So much for saying roomie is childish, I am the one who is not thinking, don't even have my priorities right! Anyway, That was a lesson that I learned, hopefully not the hard way. Mrs Lee, Thank you so much for making that difference :)

The night went on with more food and songs and games and some awards for more popular people. I am envious of them, I really am. But oh well, I am just not as good as them. Then the finale, the video of our final year in SCGS. This is what set off my reflection about the four years actually. I wasn't in the presentation, skipped school too much :P Then the one minute reflection time, I thought of 4 se, how I used to always sleep in class, thought of CCA, thought of how left out I felt at times in class or with people. Im not a people-pleaser. Not good with people Im not familiar with. wELL at the very least I felt belonged in Red Cross, I really do. But aside from the little recognition my batch mates show, I dont think I made an impact on anyone. At least ms soh was not impressed enough to promote me. Then we received the mirror as our souvenirs, very lovely. I looked at myself in the mirror, and I thought to myself 'huiz this is not the time to think about regrets and what you could have done better' But its all the same, I needed the chance and I got it.

The night ended with more photo-taking. I was upset that I couldnt stay out with rommie and all. But at the same time glad, again they are not close friends of mine. I dont know whether I would enjoy it. I was more upset about not bringing a camera. Then I came back with E.T. again and started blogging, I just had the urge. It took me more than an hour to blog. To reflect. To regret. Well this four years have really been a complete twist of my life and of myself as a person. Although I regret for all that I could've done better in, I have no regrets for all that I have done. Everything just brings great memories and lessons that I ll remember for life.

Right now I am again on this cross road. I dont know where to go, and I've got approximately 14 hours to decide before the deadline. Well I have some clues but I need to sort them, out. Will talk to Ms.Lim first. Again I hate making decisions, because I can blame myself, I hate blaming myself. Well its time to grow up and make my own decision. This time no matter what the end result may be, I ll just accept it and work hard to achieve the best I could.

Thanks Zara Char Mich Cam for the lovely birthday present. I know its belated. Its ok. Everyone forgets, when its not important enough. dont you deny this.

Ayl, its really a very sweet video, I m really jealous :) heh.

O's over

Not exactly happy about it, not sad either.
Last week of papers was kinda bad :(
Everything was weird n tough. heih/

Anyway, after the last paper on thursday, went out with Bel, Xiuling, Darlie, SzeChing and Yeewern. We went bugis, and all I remembered of the night was bubble tea and neoprints. I felt rather weird being out with them since I'm not exactly very close to them. But nevertheless I HAD FUN!!! tHANKS PEOPLE!!!

Then I went out with CAT on friday!!! Oh my gosh, it was SOOOOO MUCH FUN!!!
We walked and walked and walked and walked and walked for like more than half an hour before we found MC D and had breakfast there(right tim?). Then it started raining before we could do anything. sat at Mc cafe waiting for the rain to stop, then WE WENT CYCLING!!!
There was still light drizzle but it felt great cycling there with the wind blowing against your face. we went to the jetty, and parts of ECP that I have never been to before. I seriously hope I can get into VJ, just for ECP :) Then had lunch with tim at Parkway then went Orchard to borrow books. Tim followed me and gave us the pie. Well I kinda knew it, so I think my reaction was a bit?! off. Haha felt weird.

Note: today is 23/11. this was an unfinished post. I am just posting it as it is. Learning to let go and let things be less perfect :)

I flunked my amath

Yeah flunked it. Its not like I didn't know how to do, just blanked out.
Didn't expect myself to be able to do it also, but I'm still freaking upset over it.
I don't know why.
AHHHHHHH
I wanna cry, I felt so weak during the paper.
Like part of me was missing, even for bio I wasn't like that.
Although bio is one of my worse subjects also.
Heh I freaking dont know what to do now.
Can't study for physics!!!!
I cant concentrate.

Anyway, Bel thanks for being there for me :0
It has been tough few days for me
Thanks for being my outlet of stress and anger
I love you too :)
ROM???
;P

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I am having PMS. I so know it, my mood has been like roller coaster today. ROOOAAAARRRRR.
The problem is this, Bel is the person who has a lot of things to juggle with, so naturally she's stressed up. I don't!!! I just freaking have to study hard for my Os!!! But I am bad-mooding too!!! Heh. I dread going for carwash now. Will decide by tonight when I will go home and basically what are my plans after Os.

I will go for dance classes, work, learning driving, swim. Other than that, i don't know. ohya, meet up with Eric.

Heh.... N i'm craving for food like shit. How????!!!!!!!

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

Heh I think I need to change

Yeah I can't stand this, I'm such a spoiled brat. As in because my parents give me a lot of freedom,I always take advantage of it and do everything as I wish. I'm not disciplined at all!!! For instance, I watched two movies(in the cinema, not counting dvds) during prelims, and I watched two during Os(still counting...). Yeah and last week, when I was supposed to be studying hard, I went out to Orchard almost everyday, and I involved myself in the CIP project. And for example right now, emath paper 2 is 4hours away and I'm here blogging, bearing in mind the fact that I have not studied much. What the hell is wrong with me???

I guess I need failure to prove to myself that I really need to be more disciplined. I thought prelims would be a good time, but hell, no! I didn't do that badly. Haih. But then I realised, even if I fail, I always have a way to console myself and make myself not feel bad, which means, I will never feel bad at all!!!! which means I will never learn my lesson!! Am I going to continue like this for the rest of my life??? I must stop being so complacent! Lets just say I'm too positive about everything. Heh. how?

Anyway, I watched Step Up yesterday. It was cool! The dancing was so great!!! but the story a bit er... weird. And the actors and actresses are not that fantastic. But watchin the dance is definitely worth the money. I totally love the ambience of the Art School in the show. From instruments to singing to dancing, music really inspires me and gives me strength. But but I know none of the above. Sad :( Oh well, maybe I can sing a little but thats all I have. I'm so untalented :( or am I not groomed? The director of the school said that a school is to groom people, well maybe it is.

From now on, I am going to constantly remind myself that I must have CONTROL. Control over my decisions and actions. Oh ya by the way, I am torn between science and art stream. How? wait, control! which means I have to stop blogging now and get on with my revision. Haha bye :)

Andrew and I outside Taka =)
(The lights looked really nice, but not in the picture though)

Bel and I at the same spot
(See all the trash behind us?!)

More to come...

Personality test(Its very accurate!!!)

What does your favourite colour say about you? Your preference of one colour over the other can easily express your personality and character traits.

I chose Red!!!
And...
If your natural choice is the colour red, you are the outgoing type. You not only act on impulse, but you are prone to abrupt mood swings. You have a lot of compassion for fellow human beings and can be easily persuaded. Though you have an optimistic approach to life, you don't hesitate to grumble and complain as well. Your spontaneous nature is assertive, you freely voice your opinions. You have a strong sex drive and are likely to end up having extra-marital affairs, unless your strong sense of duty restrains you from indulging in wild fantasies.


It's so true I can't stand it =)

But I used to love purple and orange, well I still do but red is just to attractive!




And here is another one based on my birthday:

Group B2
Your dreams and ambitions are much important for you and you can do everything to fulfill your dreams. Love is much valuable in your life but you always search for someone perfect. You hardly trust someone.
Your friends are really important for you but normally you hide a lot from them.
You are a deep thinker you always study the negative view as well as positive.
You can lead a happy life with a person for whom you care a lot these days.


I think it quite accurate also, although most people don't see it.

In the midst of Os, un-stressed

Yeah the first week of Os has passed, I think I screwed up all my papers. Lit is definitely doomed, so I'm not sure whether my SS(even if good enough) can pull it up. And even my SS is like CMI so I can jolly well forget about my combined humans already. Haih now I'm really worried that I ll get kicked out of AC after my first three months :/

Just read Bel's posts, she's right: noone actually has the right to say anyone is ugly, but we all do say it all the time, don't we? 'EEE, so fat!!!' when you see a prosperous mother on the street. Think about what she has done, she has sacrificed for three children maybe? Risking her life three times and her otherwise beautiful hot body just for them. 'wah, can't she do something about it?' when you see an obese girl. Some people are not fat but 'bloated' because they have health problems, like this girl in my school. Its not fair to call her fat then! She can't help it! Anyway, for those who can do something about it, of course friends can help by encouraging them, not by claiming: 'You are fat!'. It would not be much of a help :) Let's just say that there are all sizes and shapes just like there are all sorts of personalities. Everyone is unique in his/her own little way. If you are not happy with any aspect of me, please just stay away, I don't want to beslave my body for another person(this sounds wrong but you should know what I mean). When I'm comfortable with myself, the world is a beautiful place everyday : )

Whoaaa, two more weeks of exam!!! I can't take it anymore :/ Don't feel like studying at all. Have been going to orchard everyday since tuesday, to study, for CIP project, to get things done, blah blah. My ez-link card isn't working, so it's quite inconvenient for me to travel nowadays. Haih.

1234567890
I want to travel,
to learn about the world
自己给自己设限，困住了。
怎么办？
I want to travel,
to learn about me...

her

huizyi玉
female/perempuan/女
hitting the big 2 soon
MY-ian on another land,
where will I go next?

destined

backpack in my country

passion and determination

phone and camera

lose those fats

两只手的温度

speak

take off

♥link
♥link
♥link
♥link
♥link

reminisce

September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008

credits

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