I have been enjoying myself and wasting my life away for the past few days. As a result, I didn't attend the Interact Camp, hopefully they won't kick me out!!! Shan't elaborate here.

I need to start studying!!! Shucks! If not I ll probably never do it!

Thats all I have to say. Oh and HAPPY HOLS!!!

不安全　当你说她笑得有多甜
怎么现在才发觉
这种感觉多么明显
突然间 快乐
就此搁浅在你和我之间

我们像是两条平行线
永远不能坦白面对面
我在你的左边 你在右边
没有交叉点

我们只是两条平行线
走多远都没有碰面的终点
而泪水只能 含在心里面
我害怕模糊了视线

我现在可以说是没有心情。非常高兴，因为明天就是term break了，终于可以回家了（虽然离上次我回家只有短短的三个星期，我还是非常非常想家），同时，我也觉得伤心，因为人生没有目标，没有长远的打算，只 知道我考试应该考好。我是个没有主见的人，常常被别人的两三句话给说服，觉得自己很烂，有时还觉得自己的观点这么糟糕。哎呀，你们看我上上下下哪一点像一 个十九岁的女孩啊？我自己都觉得自己幼稚到可以的。人生也未免太苦了吧！有那么多事情要做，又要考虑做得对不对，还有一大堆烦恼。我的脑袋动不动就觉得好像jelly还是rojak，闷闷的，思路不清，是因为我太少用脑了，还是因为它本来就应该是酱的？

最近刚读了三毛的书，我觉得她was born to be different，她自己也不了解她的书给别人多大的影响，只依照自己喜欢的方式过生活，涂涂写写，真得很妙。怎么说呢？有时候我们做一些事情也是这 样，在做的时候不会想到影响有多大，或做得有多好，只有结果出来以后才惊讶地发现原来自己那么“厉害”。或许人生就是这样的吧! 不同人有不同见解，所以人与人之间才能擦出那么多不同的火花。有些人一生都在尝试做些什么事来影响别人，有些人像三毛一样不费吹灰之力就做到了，老天还是 不公平的！

很向往三毛的人生观，也不是说她的人生比别人精彩或是有成就。她是真真实实用心在过每一天，也许就是因为这样她的文字给人一种真诚的感动吧！我总觉得她自 杀是因为觉得自己活够了，感受过了，没什么好留恋的了。有些人一生寻寻觅觅，庸庸碌碌到死都觉得老天对他不公平，没有真正的享受过人生，那么像三毛一样不 是很好吗？至少她真真实实的活过，谁又会在乎或长或短呢？哈哈，不要怀疑，我没有自杀的念头，完全没有！！！我还没有活够呢！！！

十九年了，我做了什么让自己和身边的人开心的事？好像没有很多，只有很多很多的问题，烦恼，还有呢？没有了。尤其是最近几年过得超快的，每天都庸庸碌碌地 过，想捕捉短暂的快乐，过了才发现全都是一场空。旷课，什么聚会，活动等的，只让我觉得更空虚，为什么呢？还是找不到答案。

突然好像变得很感性，感觉怪怪的。好想再去一次bum boat ride。想回家。想在半夜到外面流荡。想喝咖啡。想做运动到一丁点力气也不剩。想别想那么多。想想多一点。想知道我的路应该怎么走。想放下一切。想把一切做到完美。完美，从来就不存在吧！偏偏我又最追求完美，其实说到底，我也不知道自己要什么，在执著些什么。

我想念去年的冬天
下着雪的那一夜
你给的温柔紧握的双手
温暖整个寒冬
失去了曾经的拥有
在你离开以后
带走了笑容只留下寂寞
忘了幸福是什么
没有你的夜特别的漆黑
只能闭上双眼去感觉
没有我的夜谁在你身边
代替了那个从前
能不能再听一次你说爱我
回到还在你怀里的时候
能不能让我再一次拥有
曾属于我的温柔

喜欢这些歌词，因为意境很美。

counting down to term break, but the excitement has ceased. Had many plans for the long-awaited vacation, there are a few things I desperately need to do:-

1. Study. like what else would be the first priority? 'm trying to draw up my study plans now.

2. Complete any overdue assignments. DMLs and SCVs.

3. Eat right. I had a packet of chips and an ice-cream yesterday :( First packet of chips in what? 3 months, but I didn't particularly enjoy it. I need more vege, more fruits, more vege, more fruits, more vege, more fruits, more vege, more fruits, more vege, more fruits... My body hasn't been very well lately, I always feel like I'm on the verge of falling sick. Is it a psychological thing or what? Anyway I'm glad that the term is coming to an end, its about time to take a break.

4. Exercise. My metabolism is as screwed up as hell. Night cycling!!!!!!!!!

5. Attend CCA LTC, which will mark the start of my CCA term in JC. Hopefully I can get into the Ex-co. Ironic coz its not even my ideal CCA.

6. Spend some quality time with my family. Have been going home rather often, but there never seems to be enough time. I wanna do something good this time round.

7. Catch some good movies. I am sick of chickflicks, want something with more sustance. Watched you,me and duPree two days ago, and I am starting to admire Owen Wilson, its not just a comedy, its life lesson presented in a comedy. I bet many people won't get it anyways. I definitely want to watch Pirates III, I love Johnny Depp. And hopefully I can get some older films.

8. Visit Zro in KL. I am not sure if I wanna go. What if I go crazy over shopping and forget all about my studies? I cannot be hyped or else I ll flunk my CT. Well I shall see how.

9. Read 4 books, 2 English 2 Chinese. Yes just 2! Any recommendation of good books?

10. Do some reflection. I don't want to be lost again.

Thats about it. And I want to meet up with people!!! Bel, Andrew, KERRIAN!!!, Aylwin, Tim, Suelin, Chiwei..... Miss you guys ;)

Its sucks when you are desperately trying to finish up your work which is due on the next day but you realised that you are terribly drained of ideas and the fact that you are an Arts student makes the matter worse because that means your assignment is none other than a 2000 word essay on a certain topic that you are not familiar with.

That's exactly what's happening now. And on top of that I have another GP essay due tomorrow as well. I have been sitting in front of the comp trying to read up about the topic and typing and backspacing for an hour.　And I am still at my introduction. Don't think I will continue, because I have writer's block and I know that its no point trying because I won't be able to produce a satisfying piece of work.

Well heck la, one essay or two won't mean and promise the sky.

I went for my hostel outing yesterday: bum boat ride and night safari. It was fun and enjoyable! The bum boat ride was very fun! Nice scenery, nice wind, nice company. I want to go again. But it costs a bomb! 12bucks for a short ride like that!!! Hmph, pay for me & I will go with you :) Oh and nice songs too! My all time favourite although they are cliche and overplayed. But who cares as long as they are nice and erm emo. Emo songs are bloody nice.

Then we went to night safari. It was so-so, the most satisfying thing about it was the walk in the nice, cool weather. The animals, you don't get to see much of them coz its dark anyway, so its kinda pointless. And Ben & Jerry's! woohoo, its good! haha. I wanna go again, just for the weather and the nice setting, but the ticket is 20bucks, so damn ex!

But I can't expect the tickets to cost what? 2bucks right? Just ignore me man!

But it was kinda weird. Coz the no of people I know in my hostel ca be counted with my two hands. I hung out with my friends and we took lots of photos with other people, and I don't even know them. Whatever la. Even till now after the outing I still don't know their names and I can barely recognise their faces. I am so sorry! I will try harder next time!

HAd PW meeting with my group today. We are a group of cock talker man! Had lunch in BK, then we went to TCC to discuss but throughout the three hours, all we did was the aims of the activities, the activities that we are carrying out, and some task allocation. It was quite a waste of time, but we certainly enjoyed ourselves. Well, I feel so guilty coz I still have two essays to write and there I was, joking and crapping, and later window-shopping at Marina Square. Shucks.

Now I feel a bit stressed, have to get these things out of my way but I can't produce. I think I ll be screwed tomorrow, but who cares? Going for a movie after sch (its a GP thing) then holidays are so near! 5 more days!!!

But the bad thing is, I am broke :(

Referring to the previous post. Its actually an essay that I wrote to enter my school's essay writing competition. I posted it for my sister to read, lazy to take it down. I am kinda proud of it, coz its my hard work! I spent 3hours on it!!! Drained my brain like nobody's business.

Yeah, one essay down. I have such a great sense of achievement man. Only three more to go!!! I am so happy!

Wah I realised that the key to happiness, for me, right now, is to accomplish something, by. doing. my. work. accordingly. I finished watching two drama series within the past one and a half weeks. kill me please!!! I am NOT going to start watching one before the holidays start.

Sheesh I am a bit restless now. but there's morning run tomorrow, which means I ll have to wake up earlier :(

Well well I must stop sleeping like a pig!

Wahh just ate instant noodle, now I am even more like a pig.

OHH Aylwin!!! Night cycling is SOOOO cool! I want to go! Anyone interested??? But I think we will end up having supper somewhere then sit there for the whole night! ahh but I want to do it, it ll be so much fun.

今天

午睡醒来，她轻轻地推开窗，让长年紧闭的房间透一透风。

雨后，空气中弥漫着一股清新的气息。花香夹杂淡淡的泥土气味；热情的阳光尽情地洒晒于万物上。就连树上的小鸟儿，也又开始吱吱地叫，仿佛在欢庆着大晴天的到来。这一幕虽称不上多么精彩吸引人，她却深深地陶醉其中。她以靠在窗边的双手托着写满青春烦恼的脸颊，目不转睛地看着屋子外面玩得不亦乐乎的小孩。孩子们全神贯注地看着地上圆圈内的弹珠。用粉笔画出来的圆圈歪歪斜斜，看起来又有些正方，却一点也不影响孩子们的兴致。他们兴奋地嚷嚷，大笑；嬉笑喧哗的声音一点也不刺耳，听了心里反而有一种难以形容的舒适感。

‘童年，就是如此的啊！’她笑想。

难得假期可以回到家中好好休息，她从椅子跳回床上正想睡个回笼觉，却听见‘砰’的一声，床边最新款的PSP游戏机掉在地上，荧幕摔出了一条深深的裂痕。那是一班好友送的十八岁生日礼物，她对电子游戏没有兴趣，本想把它转送给八岁大的侄子，现在只好作罢。“还是别污染他无邪的童年吧！”她想。

自从三年前离乡背井到外国求学，她就被繁重的功课压得喘不过气来。异国繁忙的生活步伐直到今天她还是没有办法适应。尤其是身为奖学金持有者的她，学业表现更是必须出类拔萃，每天除了读书就是忙着搞课外活动，丝毫没有放松的机会。原本就身体廋削的她这下成了标准的皮包骨，也难怪妈妈那么心疼了！

每当累得一丁点力气也不剩时，她常常想起童年那段美好时光，还有那无忧无虑的生活。那种单纯，不需要任何理由的快乐，是她一直一直怀念的。无需物质的点缀；没有人际关系的烦恼。生活，美得就像一首诗，一幅画。所以每当长盼的假期一到，她都迫不及待地背上行囊回到家中，试着寻回那一份简单的感动：昨天。

昨天

“天上的星星不说话，

地上的娃娃想妈妈

天上的眼睛眨呀眨

妈妈的心呀鲁冰花”

世界上没有任何比妈妈的怀抱更温暖的地方了！每晚睡前，她都对自己这么说，接着靠在妈妈怀抱中，在妈妈的轻声哼唱中慢慢睡着。妈妈最爱唱的就是这首《鲁冰花》，觉得它的旋律优美，歌词也非常有意思。她不懂这首歌有什么特别的，只觉得妈妈的声音好好听，好像天籁一样，比那些什么王菲，郑秀文好多了！

听着听着，眼前突然出现一只好大好大的恐龙，正一步一步向她逼进。她慢慢往后退，心里慌急了，不知该怎么办才好，只好大喊救命。就在恐龙抓到她那一刻，爸爸出现了！力大无穷的爸爸不但把她冲恐龙的魔掌中救了出来，还把恐龙打得粉身碎骨！爸爸太厉害啦！

“小吁！女儿！醒醒！”

原来只是噩梦一场，还好还好！明天一定要把它画下来给爸爸看！

对了，好久没有和爸爸一起去钓鱼了！明天一定要记得问他什么时候有空，隔壁的大头一定会羡慕死了！

明天

那就是她不停寻找的感动，那份简单的快乐。她曾经不止一次希望自己有小叮当这个好朋友，能带她乘坐“时空穿越机”回到那快乐的过去；更夸下海口，如果能回到过去，不介意少活几年。当然，那是不可能的，爸爸妈妈都已经白发苍苍，英雄的形象已经荡然无存了。她只好用自己的方式缅怀那段美好的时光，把它烙印在心底最深处，这样才能永远忘不了。

日子，还是要过的。这人生旅途，即将升上大学的她还有很长的路要走。明天也许会有大风大浪，也可能会一帆风顺。未来会发生什么事谁也不知道，只有积极，用心充实地过每一天，才算对得起自己。看着手机上男友枫的来电显示，她心想：“前方可能有更多的喜悦和感动等待着我呢！”

也许这就是所谓的成长吧！

My mind is filled with trash, I am not thinking I am not thinking I am not thinking.

I need some strength from You to help me get started. Damn start stop start stop start stop, its not a good thing.

I am not making sense.

Sorry that I didn't turn up for Aloha. Firstly I had stomachache, secondly I didn't want to go. At that point of time, I just felt like being alone.

I need some time to figure this out, I thought to myself. But there's nothing to be figured out. SO what do I need now?

A stagnant mind, maybe I had too long a break.

If you are interested in studying together during June hols please tell me. I need some discipline.

Something beautiful

from this blog for so many days.

She asked me to write that she has nothing to say, and that she will be back when she is in the mood to blog again.

She misses you all, but she needs some time to figure out stuff.

All of a sudden I am starting to like attending school again. But still, I can't wait for the holidays to start! haha

I feel so out-of-touch with whats happening at home! Coz my sister's bf and his friends are visiting now but I am not there. They are probably savoring some heavenly food somewhere! HMPH not fair! But well, doesn't matter, I am sick of eating already ;D

Did my NAPFA 5 stations today reluctantly and to my surprise, I managed to get my As and B for 3 of the stations. Well the other two should not be mentioned at all! I can't freaking do pull-ups and standing broadjump! I know there are techniques and everything but I just don't get them! Ah I miss playing basketball!!! I miss playing it so much and I can't wait to get my NAPFA over and done with and start playing. Haa.

Well I am actually very disappointed coz there are 2 concerts that I want to attend this Friday but I can only choose one, obviously. And the worst thing is: I bought the ticket for both concerts already (I didn't know they clash!!!) Shrugs la, I really want to watch Rock AC (for obvious reasons which shall not be stated here) but I don't want to let SL down either!!! :( Life sucks coz you have to make choices 24/7.

Econs test tomorrow!!! I am so worried coz I know I need to do well!!! But I can't seem to remember the concepts, ahh perhaps I should start studying now!

I am having a mind block now, my mind just went stagnant don't know how many times in the past 1 minute. Maybe its because I slept too much today! SHIT I MUST STOP BEHAVING LIKE A PIG!!!

Well, to all of you who are having mid year exams : YOU SHOULD NOT BE READING THIS AT ALL!!! Well hang it there, it will be over soon! Concentrate on giving your best!!! Good luck! We can celebrate after your exams!

Dear J1s: PI is finally over ( i know my school is slower and everything) there are more to come, tests and proposals and Common test after the hols. But the HOLS are coming too! So hang in there too, just two weeks left!

Everyone: Take care of yourself and please be in good health! Don't overwork yourself, YOU AND I KNOW THAT WORK IS NEVER-ENDING. Take a break and slack around when you need to relax. But if you have been slacking around just like me then better start doing something. Haha

That was so crap but ah I am running out of things to blog about.

Ohya, for those of you who read xiaxue's blog
don't you think her latest posts are so ridiculous, k to be specific the part about the gangster in JB. She is so naive and full of herself! Man. She's damn lucky that the man didn't beat her up. Couldn't she put hersel fin his shoes or something? I bet she would just hit the pedestrian down and run and claim that its not her fault but the pedestrian coz he/she walks too slowly. Yeas she might be witty and sarcastic and all but I think she has lost the ability to think and behave rationally. I don't understand why there are still so many people who agree with her. ARE YOU BLIND OR SOMETHING????

whatever it is. Hope she will realise that she is in the wrong soon, for her own sake!

As for now I shall go study my favourite subject!!! ECONS!!!!

My sisters read my blog! I never realised this but they do. Oh well, fine.

Hi SIS!!! I MISS YOU ALREADY :D

k seems like there are more anonymous people (you!) out there reading, but heh, as long as you enjoy reading, I enjoy typing, there we go, haha we are both happy!

I just came back from home sweet home. Thats why I hadn't blogged in 4days! Achievement!

When I am at home, don't expect much from me kae? All I do is sleep, laze around, watch tv, sing k, read, and what I do most of all is of course to EAT. Yeah its kinda slack, I mean really slack, and kinda unhealthy and kinda meaningless. Well I am trying to change that okay? But it takes some time. I mean, I am even lazy to go shopping when I'm at home, even shopping doesnt tempt me! what could be worse than that? Therefore, I concluded that my favourite pastime is to laze around AT HOME! Haha wish I could do more of that but, common tests are coming after the hols so no honeymooning for me (which I know I will still do anyway) oh right, we shall see how.

I ate tonnes of things, mum cooked so much for me, I couldn't possibly disappoint her right? They are GOOD FOOD! So here we go, 3 morning runs this week.

BEL: I LOVE YOU! You blog a gazillion times a day! How am I supposed to compete with you? I didn't visit your blog for two days and you have like 5 / 6/ 10 new posts! Good that you are not stressed! Keep it up! I am sure you will survive mid years! After all mid years is nothing right??! (actually no)

I... don't know what else to talk about.
Had a great time at home.
Recharged and am ready to go!

HAHA

I am going home on Friday!!!
I am going home on Friday!!!
I am going home on Friday!!!
I am going home on Friday!!!
I am going home on Friday!!!
I am going home on Friday!!!
I am going home on Friday!!!
I am going home on Friday!!!
I am going home on Friday!!!
I am going home on Friday!!!
I am going home on Friday!!!
I am going home on Friday!!!

I am SO excited!
Seriously I have never been so eager about going home! I don't know why but I guess its because McNair is just too different from home, no homely feeling at all.

Stayed up to do my PI last night til 330am, I totally can die. The point is not that I slept at 330, but it started raining later with lightning and super loud thunder, I couldn't sleep coz of the thunder and the pouring rain. And it didn't help that the bed had freaking bad quality, well I am changing it soon.

Although I was damn happy that I didn't have to attend morning run, I was still kinda scared that the rain will just stop before dawn comes, and there you go, no escape from morning run!
Somehow the rain didn't fail me, but as I said, I had a bad sleep.

Well, whatever, the nap I took in the afternoon made up for it all. I amnjust damn excited about going home and that's the only thing on my mind now! haha

I still have tonnes of hw I realised, and I have not been listening in class. Yes I have been playing games on my GC, ahh guilty guilty. But it wouldn't make a difference if the lecturer sucks a big time and you know you won't gain anything from listening right?

shucks the internet in Mcnair is sucky, its so unstable and sometimes I can't get anything at all!
It's ok, its fine. I ll be home soon ;D

Life's beautiful all of a sudden when you came.

1234567890
I want to travel,
to learn about the world
自己给自己设限，困住了。
怎么办？
I want to travel,
to learn about me...

her

huizyi玉
female/perempuan/女
hitting the big 2 soon
MY-ian on another land,
where will I go next?

destined

backpack in my country

passion and determination

phone and camera

lose those fats

两只手的温度

speak

take off

♥link
♥link
♥link
♥link
♥link

reminisce

September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008

credits

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