Sunday, January 21, 2007
Second post in the day before I'm off to do my laundry and study.
Well I have been seeing a lot couples around lately. Have been hearing a lot about issues and things happening between couples. And also people confessing their love for others. And I feel so pathetic. Quote Bel : fat ugly unwanted. Its the feeling of being needed, loved and cared for, and I don't know what else. Sometimes I do really feel lonely, especially when you are living alone away from your family. Its like longing for that warmth and comfort. I guess that's the reason for my last relationship although I hate to admit it: the need for all the above, and when I got these things from elsewhere ie my family, I suddenly realised that we couldn't go on anymore or else I ll suffer. So I had to break it off. Now the reason is that since I am not a person who is very good at voicing how I feel, (yes you might be surprised but most of the time I only tell Bel and no one else) there were things that I was unhappy with at the same time unwilling to tell. I know that is selfish of me, I hurt him, yes I did. But the longer I held on to it, the more harm would have been done, and at the end of the day, both of us would have been more hurt than we were. Every time I think of it, my heart aches. Its amazing how often I think about the past although its no doubt that I am over it, it's been a year. Well maybe I am just longing the same feelings. I was lying on my bed just now, and it came to my mind again. Yes again I am pmsing.
Its amazing what love does to people isn't it? We'd do anything for our loved ones, anything at all. But what is love really?? Sometimes I get so confused I wonder if I'm a cold-blooded animal who doesn't know how to love. Yes its that pathetic. I shall go ask those KI people. Sigh. Sometimes (at times like this) I think its damn hard to be a human being, and its even harder to be a good one, although it might be hard to be a bad one if you are good natured. In conclusion, its hard to pretend to be someone you are not, really. I think my thoughts can really kill me one day. This sucks.
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After talking to Bel for a while, I lost my determination for studying and doing my laundry. I went blog hopping instead, which makes me feel like a grass hopper. Again I feel so pathetic. You know its seems how easy for other people to live their life and enjoy themselves and have no worries and always be happy (well at least when they are blogging) while here I am whining like an old maid. Life is so unfair I don't want to live it. But then again, everyone has his/her own problems that no one sees, maybe some have more compared to others. Oh well, Guess what, I don't care already. If not my head is likely to burst tonight. Shall spend my energy on something else, for example that hot guy over there. Fine there are no hot guys, I'm in my room, and there's only my lovely roommate, Szeching.
Sigh. I'm starting to dislike school.
Y7:44 pm
