Tuesday, January 16, 2007
All of a sudden I have a lot of stuff to write about.
But not in this post, its just random.
I just reread my old blog (the entire things is saved in my account under draft,
so you can't find it anywhere, I must've been mad then)
Anyway I sounded really different then, I don't know how to put it, but its just different.
Have I become more matured, or have I just changed, for the better or for the worse.
Or maybe I am still the same old Huizyi, just that I don't see it myself.
I miss drinking The Ultimate from Coffee Bean. Have been wanting to drink it since November. I know it sounds crazy but I kinda enjoy the feeling of looking forward to drinking it more than
drinking the thing itself. I am crazy.
Now I remember what I wanted to blog about: my relationship with God
-0 listening to li jia chu zou(canton) by wei lan 0-
Had chapel this morning as its Monday. Wanted to go to church yesterday but we were too tired.
I am not saying I am ready to receive Christianity as my religion. I am just a person who believes in God, have faith in Him. To me, it is really immaterial which way you choose to worship him, what religion you practise, as long as you are comfortable with your own way.
I think that generally, a person's relationship with God is an entirely sacred,personal affair. Therefore it is no point forcing another person to follow your line of thoughts. I am saying because my mum had this extremely unpleasant experience with an extremist Christian (she is a Buddhist), this lady claimed that my mum was worshiping statues or blocks of wood! Of course anybody would get upset at this kind of comment right? Anyway since then I have always been very careful with religious issues since its sensitive, I learned to respect others' religions like my own.
Anyway, that aside, since young I had always been following the Buddhist practices such as burning incense, going to temple, praying to the Gods, but I never saw the point of doing all these things except that the Gods will keep us safe and sound as my mum used to tell me. I felt emotionally detached and I always thought that it wasn't what I want. Aside from that, I also thought that being a Buddhist is a very out-dated and old-fashioned thing ( I was young and naive then). The thing is that I never saw the point of doing what I was doing.
Until I came in touch with other religions such as Muslim, Christianity and Catholics. My knowledge of religions improved and I was finally on my way to knowing what I want. However, in the past years, life was pretty much stress-free hence I didn't see the need and the urge to communicate with God. It was truly until last year when I moved to Oldham Hall, I had a better understanding of Christianity, and more importantly the importance of communicating with God and what God does for us, and the whole complicated relationship with God ( of course different people will have different definitions for it, I am not going to dwell into that now)
Then came exam time when work started to pile up and there was never enough time. I remember not being able to study/absorb anything during the day and sobbing in bed at night. Somehow the AHMs reminded me to turn to God for strength, for guidance, and I did. I remember lying in bed asking God to hold my hand and walk that difficult path with me. And God answered my prayers, I felt relieved after that and was able to concentrate better. At least my emotional health was better in check. Although I felt overwhelmed, I no longer felt like breaking down 24/7. I felt that God is close to me, ready to lift me when I fall.
Besides that, its His decision that I should be in ACJ, my prelims results, the struggle that I went through in choosing JCs, the postings. Because He sees that I need guidance in my pursuit of closeness with him, and the guidance would come from ACJ, encouraging me to continue to follow God in my own way, within my own boundaries.
That's what I thought about at Chapel this morning. I am still a weak follower in this path with God, sharing with Him this unfamiliar closeness, but I know that He is by my side, ahead of me, behind me. I know what He is always with me :)
Hope you find your way too ;)
Y8:58 pm
