Friday, November 24, 2006
PROM... Great great memories
I dreaded going at first. Was sick and everything, but I went in the end, partly coz couldn't get refund, partly coz I didn't want to miss the fun.
Didn't get any prom dresses whatever. I went to JB to do my hair, and met sister to get cosmetics. Bought a pair of earings and a ring to match with my asean dance dress (they scream FUNKY but people say I looked sweet :) )
Yeah I love my hair, absolutely love it. I haven't bathed till now, dont feel like spoiling the nice look of it. Heh. It's big, and funky. And I looked around in the ballroom, many people with hair glammed up, and I really really like my own. (stupid me forgot about bringing camera!!! aarrrrhhhhhh can't take any pictures of myself!!!) yupz, I rushed back from jb. Oh ya by the way, City square has got a new restaurant ------------------------- Kim Gary!!!! I love their toasts!!! I heard they have a new branch at Vivo City too! Will go one day. Anyway as I was saying, the bus ride back from JB was l~0~n~g, and I couldn't rest my head against the back rest because of my hair, so I sat up straight and started to think about stuff. Yups can't remember what stuff. Then it started raining, I was thining shit how?? My hair!!!! oh shit! But when I got off, the rain had already became light drizzling, so I ran back to oldham.
Then did my make up whatever, so proud my myself, I love my look then( not now though). Cabbed with E.T. to Regent Hotel. When I reached I felt really out, like I didn't really belong to any cliques and I was kinda lost. Went around saying hi to people before I finally stuck to the SCRCY peeps!!! They rock the world. Yeah at the end of the day, being in the same CCA makes the difference in the world! We've been thru just SOOOOO much together :) Then rommie came, seriously it was like a mixed feeling when I saw her, we're so close yet so distant. Didnt stick to her coz she was with JY and all, until we went into the ballroom. I was a bit reserved at first, didn't know how well they would accept me. I didn't know them THAT well, well now better.
I was so touched by ms heng's speech. The permanent figure of SCGS. Reflected and really regret not treasuring my time back in school. At least could have spend that 40% of sleeping time better. Regret that I didn't study hard enough throughout, especially the last push for Prelims and Os. Regret that I could care enough about my friends in school. Regret about everything that I could've done better.
The Band was bad. I don't know their name but they are just bad, didn't understamf what they were singing most of the time. The food was ok, but for my standard nah... haha. And the waitress that waited at our table, ya I was not satisfied with her service but she is like what, 40-something, 59-something? I felt bad having her to serve us, seriously. It should be the other way round yeah, us serving her instead. Haih.
We went to take pictures with Mrs Lee and Mrs Lim. Oh, Mrs Lee wore the brooch we gave to her!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its SO LOVELY! She's so sweet! I really really love her so much. In this short four years(long actually) she has seen me grow, taught me so much that I could not be more thankful for. I remember back in the old days(not that old) when I was still in CJ, especially lower sec, I dreaded seeing her. Our first truancy, got into trouble with her and MOE, we hated everything so much. Once a year during PTD, she painstakingly take the trouble to see each and every one of the scholars. To talk about our results so as to make sure that we're on track. While every two teacher see 38 parents, she sees 50 over of us lil kids, each of us from different cultures and background, with our own characters and personalities, and our lil different problems, all within her not-so-big office. I hated it in sec two(didn't have it in sec one), well I thought it was just one of those long naggy lecture that talks about how I should keep up good consistent work and not slack and be too playful only play when its time to play. I was just against the whole bloody system in singapore, Hostel school MOE everything. Well now as I think about it, actually its only hostel that made us think that way. We just thought that Mrs Lee and Mrs Lim are just not much different from April Kwong, hence we refused to listen. Talk about being rebellious, we really were. So those were the days that I hated and dreaded SCGS, didn't see the point of me being there. Was told to work hard for my future, yeah future, did work a bit but what? future? huh? until last year when we came to upper sec, started to see the differences, started to listen, started to realise. everything. I am a slow bloomer. Always thought I knew better, hell no I didn't! Mrs Lee just bear with us, our foolishness, childishness and all our crap. There was a lot. Last year was still full of crap, we played hard, and studied not-so-hard. Hung out with the JC peep, not favoured by AK. Got into troubles and everything. Got into relationship, more problems blah blah. But I really didn't give a damn about what they thought. Yeah I did but what could I do? I just needed someone to believe in me. Made the choice between that and CCA, yeah. Regretted. I fooled around like shit, but those were moments I never regretted, and those are people I truly miss. Finally sec 3 over. Year-end result not pretty, thought still got one more year to buck up. Finally sec 4 year, moved to Oldham hall. Became all excited about the new place and people, finally out of misery. Its amazing how the environment can either make you or break you. First 3 months was for exploration. Then joined the council. Wah first time in years I could prove myself to people, and people were willing to see. Got all involved in SC, pouring in my heart and soul, just to prove (to I have no idea who) that I'm someone who's capable, who can shine, who can make you proud. Studies not abaondoned, but no full-force, so much for pia-ing in the final year. CCA was like shit, everyone else cared except for ourselves. I didn't even get WO, so much for my hardwork. Well but i admit that wasn't my best that I was giving. This year passed very quickly. Before I knew it, it was already june hols, planned to study but failed as usual, didn't see the urgency and importance yet. Then preparation for prelims and everything. While everyone else began to study hard/revise whatever, I was still slacking around thinking that I had all the time in the world. September hols, did some serious studying, but definitely not enough. Roommie studied so har, i felt like shit. Met those Barker people. Prelims started, unprepared. Watched two movies(in the cinema) during prelims. Heck la, wasnt prepared for what was to come. Prelims results came out, wasn't as bad as expected. How? Got all happy and complacent again. Thanksgiving dance thanksgiving dance. full-force in SC to have these things well done. only studied the day before each prac. Then got to know andrew and jeff. Hang out with A like what five days a week during Os. How to concentrate? thinking that it was no big deal. After the last week of papers. started regretting. hell my papers were like shit. I dont know whether I can pass my amath n physics. I didn't even put in the effort!!! so much for being a lil intelligent. Looking back from where I am now. I really regret not caring enough for everything. Like yeah finally understand the true essence of every word that Mrs Lee said. Its like a bit too late to make up for it, but I will, in jc. No matter which JC I end up in, I will. Yes she made abig impact in my life, made me realised how foolish and unthinking I have been. So much for saying roomie is childish, I am the one who is not thinking, don't even have my priorities right! Anyway, That was a lesson that I learned, hopefully not the hard way. Mrs Lee, Thank you so much for making that difference :)
The night went on with more food and songs and games and some awards for more popular people. I am envious of them, I really am. But oh well, I am just not as good as them. Then the finale, the video of our final year in SCGS. This is what set off my reflection about the four years actually. I wasn't in the presentation, skipped school too much :P Then the one minute reflection time, I thought of 4 se, how I used to always sleep in class, thought of CCA, thought of how left out I felt at times in class or with people. Im not a people-pleaser. Not good with people Im not familiar with. wELL at the very least I felt belonged in Red Cross, I really do. But aside from the little recognition my batch mates show, I dont think I made an impact on anyone. At least ms soh was not impressed enough to promote me. Then we received the mirror as our souvenirs, very lovely. I looked at myself in the mirror, and I thought to myself 'huiz this is not the time to think about regrets and what you could have done better' But its all the same, I needed the chance and I got it.
The night ended with more photo-taking. I was upset that I couldnt stay out with rommie and all. But at the same time glad, again they are not close friends of mine. I dont know whether I would enjoy it. I was more upset about not bringing a camera. Then I came back with E.T. again and started blogging, I just had the urge. It took me more than an hour to blog. To reflect. To regret. Well this four years have really been a complete twist of my life and of myself as a person. Although I regret for all that I could've done better in, I have no regrets for all that I have done. Everything just brings great memories and lessons that I ll remember for life.
Right now I am again on this cross road. I dont know where to go, and I've got approximately 14 hours to decide before the deadline. Well I have some clues but I need to sort them, out. Will talk to Ms.Lim first. Again I hate making decisions, because I can blame myself, I hate blaming myself. Well its time to grow up and make my own decision. This time no matter what the end result may be, I ll just accept it and work hard to achieve the best I could.
Thanks Zara Char Mich Cam for the lovely birthday present. I know its belated. Its ok. Everyone forgets, when its not important enough. dont you deny this.
Ayl, its really a very sweet video, I m really jealous :) heh.
Y12:11 am
